Lessons From 55 Years: Watch How They Treat the Waitress

In my 55 years, I have done all kinds of work, at all kinds of levels, and in all kinds of clothes.

I have been a waitress, cashier, bartender, manager, housekeeper, secretary, desk clerk, sales professional, and consultant. I have washed dishes, bussed tables, cleaned toilets, answered phones, managed employees, served customers, made presentations, negotiated contracts, and helped businesses grow.

I have worked in jeans and T-shirts, and I have worked in high heels, suits, and pantyhose.

I have been behind the counter, across the desk, in the back room, and at the head of the table.

The jobs changed. The clothes changed. The responsibilities changed.

My value did not.

Through all of those roles, I have met and served countless people from every walk of life. People with money and people struggling to get by. White-collar professionals and blue-collar workers. People carrying impressive titles and people whose names may never appear on an office door.

There are kind and unkind people in every one of those groups.

Money does not determine character. Neither does education, occupation, clothing, status, or the size of someone's bank account.

But the way a person regularly treats others — especially those serving them — tells you a great deal.

The lesson: if someone seems nice, but regularly treats the waiter or waitress poorly, they are not truly a nice person.

Of course, it may not be a waitress. It may be a cashier, bartender, housekeeper, secretary, desk clerk, receptionist, salesperson, delivery driver, or the person cleaning the bathroom.

Someone can be charming with a friend, generous with a client, flattering toward a person in authority — and still be unkind to the person refilling their coffee.

That inconsistency is the tell.

Kindness that is selective is not really kindness. It is strategy.

True character shows up in the moments when there is nothing to gain. When no one important is watching. When the person in front of you has no power over your reputation, your career, or your social standing.

That is when you find out who someone actually is.

I have watched people be rude to servers, dismissive of cashiers, impatient with receptionists, and condescending to anyone they perceived as "below" them — and then turn around and be perfectly pleasant to someone they wanted something from.

I have also watched people who were clearly having a terrible day still manage to say thank you, make eye contact, and treat the person serving them like a human being.

The difference between those two kinds of people is not circumstance. It is character.

So here is what 55 years has taught me:

Watch how they treat the waitress.

Watch how they speak to the cashier when the line is long.

Watch how they respond when something goes wrong and the person responsible has no power to fix it.

Watch how they treat people who can do nothing for them.

That will tell you more about who they are than any resume, any title, or any carefully curated first impression ever could.

And while you're at it — watch how you treat them, too.